Thursday, April 21, 2011

I straight up ate a baby squirrel (pictures)

This is my little buddy. I found him lying under a bush in a backyard in Suburbia. A little bit of blood out of his mouth and otherwise he looked fine.
Fair warning, this blog is about to get a little gross for the squeamish types so I'm going to put a jump in here
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THERE IS BLOOD AND GORE AFTER THIS NEXT PICTURE


Initially my thought was to go straight-up dissection with this but my knife wasn't nearly sharp enough and I had to do a bit more of a hackjob than I was expecting. Those are Staples-brand thumbtacks, but they didn't really stick in the board I was using.
Based on the fact that his eyes aren't opened, his ears are unfurled, and the lack of tail fluffiness, I feel like this little guy is pretty newborn. His features are still embryonic.
I've begun cutting through the abdominal skin, without breaking the membrane into the body cavity. The skin is loosely attached to the tissue underneath, sticking with about the tenacity of masking tape to a painted surface.

The skin peels back easily. I made a full slice down the abdominal section and cut down the inside of the fore- and hindlegs so that I could separate the skin all over. I cut off his hands and feet and put them to the side.

This is the pelt. The squirrel was only like three and a half to four inches long not counting the tail, not very big at all. I severed the head and tail and they stayed attached to the skin. If it were a larger animal I might do something productive with it. The skin is soft and folds easily, with downy fur all over.

A good shot where you can see how the eyes haven't opened all the way.

Here I've begun cutting into the abdominal cavity. The pressure made the intestines come right out as soon as they had an exit. I think liver, kidneys, and stomach are all visible here and the young muscular structure is fully visible. 

Bisecting the sternum lets the ribcage pop open, revealing the heart, lungs and other chest organs. I pulled out the viscera and put them to the side, scraping the corpus proper clean with my knife.

The bare carcass, ready to cook. The muscular system is one of the most critical in animal species and by far the most delicious. The long side muscles and well-formed legs help the squirrel climb trees and run away from ferocious, gigantic predators that humans insist on allowing to live in their environs.

Dante ate some of the guts but left these ones behind. No one likes intestines except the Scots.

The cleaning complete, the hands wave one last goodbye to the rest of the body. The cats ran away with the leftovers and these little guys went in the compost so they can become plants.
I fried it lightly in a cast-iron skillet with a little bit of salt and pepper.

It flattened out nicely with cooking, but then it flattened too much and it bent backwards so I had to cut it into two.
Bon appetit!

Nothing left but the skeletons. Not much meat on this little guy, totally not worth it except for the good practice. It was easier to clean in a lot of way than the perch I did a few months ago - the bones were less spiky and the skin came off more easily and the guts were more isolated from the rest of it. The squirrel I ate last year was older and tasted more like duck or turkey dark meat, but this little guy was fresh so he tasted like chicken. Don't eat random animals you find, it's probably bad for you.

19 comments:

  1. Wow! this was a great post! keep em coming. 8)

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  2. i found this easy to masturbate to ♥

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  3. Dude, that's fucked.

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  4. Future serial killer...human bodies arn't even designed to eat meat, you're creepy but not in a im afraid of you kind of way...im scared for you. :{

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  5. how could u. r u a cannibal, cus i think that sqirles r people to.

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  6. Considering that I just cooked and ate a squirrel from my own backyard, the only thing i find disturbing about this is that you don't know what the actually killed that little guy. My squirrel died from a broad-head arrow to the brain. Don't look at me like that. I have a small game license and eastern grey squirrels are invasive in Wa state.

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    1. I read that Colonial Americans hunted squirrels with shotguns from horseback.

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  7. What the hell is wrong with you.

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  8. I found this page in an attempt to look up what a "Took Hat" is. How the hell did I get here? Do you wear a took? Did you use his skin to make a took? Probably not... If you're gonna go primal on us, you should have used an open flame to roast it rotisserie style ; )

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    1. A toque is like a beanie but it's longer so you can roll it up around the edges.

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  9. Perverse exhibitionism and complete loss of boundaries. Why are you this desperate for attention?

    You should get professional help quickly. You're a danger to society.

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    1. No one made you Google search "dead baby squirrels".

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  10. The brain is the best part.

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  11. From someone who is a vet student, a ex. professional taxidermist, naturalist, collector of bones, anatomical artist, animal lover and defender in general...and experimental cook of international dishes...(non pro). You really shouldn´t eat dead animals that you "find" in your garden. If you read up a Little on parasitology...you will think twice next time. Your display of how to "open" a poooor little dead squirrel, I am afaid...was pathetic and WIERD. Using "drawing pins" stuck through the baby creatures tiny paws to sprawl it out while you opened it. MMMMMMM!!! Not good! I think you are exceptionally bored....concéntrate on looking for a good job...! You know the saying ....Idle hands....??? Don´t go imagining yourself to be a great anatomical genius...´cos you´re not and never will be. You are DISRESPECTFUL to animals and to LIFE itself!!! Lining those little baby paws up like that...and saying...(they waved goodbye to the rest of the body)...I have a black sense of humour...being English...(British)...but YOU......!!!! YOU REALLY ARE ONE SICK PUPPY. So...here´s me...signing off. Oh!! And don´t forget to get that job...to keep those fiendish hands of yours busy....AND....with the money you earn from that job...you can buy some new plates (yours are horrific!!!!!! horrible design!!!) and get yourself a new frying pan...you need one urgently!!! María B.

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    1. It wasn't my garden, it was someone else's yard.

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    2. I hope you caught a disease you sick motherfucker.

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  12. Your fucking disgusting. I hope you will die, how dare you kill an innocent baby animal

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