Saturday, February 12, 2011

HMSLatex (Etsy Review)

HMSLatex (NSFW? No nipples in initial photos, but maybe don't click through the gallery if you don't want to see naked ladies, but who doesn't want to see naked ladies, right?) is a latex clothing and fashion line operating out of Paris, France. They do not charge for custom sizing and their shipping fees seem very reasonable. I do not know if they are high quality products, but they look like they'll last longer than body paint at the very least to very similar effect. These would probably go really well with, say, a burlesque show or something. Anything past dancing and this doesn't look like the kind of clothing that's going to hold up well. Like, basketball in these outfits? Probably a terrible idea. Riding a bull at a bar or something might be pushing it. Jello wrestling, right out.

Cabaret Dress
This outfit looks uncomfortable but will probably be a big hit at your Wizard of Oz stripper party. The pasties are a nice touch in case you are appearing on television, so if you're responding to Senatorial Craigslist ads, this is the one to go with, though that goes for the whole brand really. I think there's one dress on here where the nipples are covered up by hands... Oh, that's the Pierrine dress, that's further down. Nice. Or you could dress up as the Jolly Green Giant's girlfriend with those broccoli looking sleeves. The pasties can be good coasters if you end up at a more exciting bar, too!

Latex Jeans
These are just the pants you're looking for when you're dressing up as someone from Charlie's Angels for Halloween. They are like bellbottoms made out of paint. Plenty of room for your junk if you're an overconfident dude, too. I don't know if they really count as jeans, technically, because I'm pretty sure that has something to do with metal rivets, but hey, whatever French people. Good shot at it.

Lush Panties
Something about these underpants just throws me off. I think it's the fact that it would make pretty much any butt look overpudgy just because of the way the pressure is put on the body when you're wearing these. Gross. I don't really get the color scheme either, there's some where it's close to flesh tone and the ribbing is black and it's kind of like "hey, bondage-y" but this would work if you had like a weird rich people bondage fetish maybe? If they're like made out of gold, I guess. There's fake gold buttons on the front and that's pretty weird too. Royalty fetish, maybe? That could be a European cultural difference. I can't even imagine having a king/queen. It's like a president you're obligated to like, yikes!
They make more sense after seeing the photoshoot that was done with them.

Pedrolino Top
This is the kinky bondage version of the tuxedo t-shirt for men. It's for when you want to look like you dressed extra fancy for the underpants party, but you don't actually want to dress fancy for the underpants party. The best part of the joke is that it's $185.00, so it's totally a fancy outfit anyway! Damn, that's malevolent.

Pierrine Dress
Kelly and I have a friend name Pierrine and she is African and she would just be all kinds of foxy in this thing. Yellow clothes on black ladies are great. She was a princess or something, like actually, and her and our friend Blaise moved back out there to hang out. Excellent.
It turns out they went to the Midwest, which is like the opposite of Africa.
No, it's Texas. Fuck.

Rib Harness
When Kelly and I first met, we played an enormous amount of Soul Calibur 3. This piece would be just perfect if you were cosplaying Ivy for a sexy fight or something. Actually, there were a couple of Voldo pieces in here that would be good for that too... Hm... Regardless, because of that association I actually think this one is kind of sexy in this shot but not in the other one where it's more artsy or something.

Roses and Leaves Neckpiece
The laces down the side of this one make it look like a shoe! Wear it with a pair of Adidas and I bet you can guess what kind of top and that would also be a hilarious Halloween costume. You can also get it in transparent too, which might be really creepy if you used leather shoelaces. Especially creepy if you used human skin leather shoelaces but that's gross.
I don't think you can get good human skin leather anymore anyway.

Valentine Dress
This one is mad sneaky! It is a transparent dress above the neckline, but you kind of have to look close to see it so it's actually really modestly cut, it's just that part of it is see-through! This is appealing to puritan values in a gay way, but more importantly it's totally going to actually stay on you in situations where the not-cop-out version of this dress would straight fall off. Bullshit movie fashion in a more realistic and comfortable way. Nice.

Quartercup Teardrop Top
This dress makes your whole sexy body look like a smiley face! :-)
Great for when you need to lighten up the mood at the neighborhood orgy!

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