Thursday, February 10, 2011

Adventures in Morrowind Part 6 - Unsubtle hints to leave

ADVENTURES IN MORROWIND
PART 6 
UNSUBTLE HINTS TO LEAVE
AN EMPLOYER BEGINS TO BEHAVE STRANGELY, AND OUR HERO IS SENT TO SEEK OUT THE TREASURES OF VVARDENFELL

After the series of fighting quests I'd been on, I was surprised when the head of the Fighter's Guild sent me out to pick up a book from someone at a bar. "Will I have to fight this person?" I wondered. I hoped so.

En route to the corner club, I noticed these two gentlemen on top of the Council Club, which I hadn't yet visited.

They were rebels! How funny. I talked with them a little while. They were part of something called the Cammala Tong or something. Some dark elf gibberish. They didn't seem very fond of foreigners, my self included, so I left them alone. I was surprised they weren't more outgoing, considering the generous number of bottles lying around on the table near them.

I'd done enough random busy work for the lady that she promoted me right up to Swordsman. Nice! Makes sense, too, since I swing a sword around all the time. I asked her about the code book and she deflected my query in a way that made me really uncomfortable. I think I'm done working for the Fighters' Guild right now.

I visited this charming pawnshop to offload my extra loot that I'd picked up off of my vanquished foes. She had a big purse and loose lips, giving me all sorts of town gossip! She mentioned that some places in Morrowind are friendlier than others... and that there are Telvanni wizards in the East who are the least friendly of all!
Well, if there's anything I can't abide it's unfriendliness. I made a note to myself to visit these so-called "Telvanni" in the future and show them what being unfriendly leads to.
Only after selling the pawnbroker this shield did I realize how awesome it looked! She said no buybacks were allowed, though. The only item she said that for was this one. Was she pulling my leg?

Back to Cosades, you creepy-ab'd old man. Since the Fighter's Guild seemed to be a raw deal, I asked him what kind of work he had for me next. He told me to go to someone in the Fighter's Guild about it! God damn it. Fortunately, it wasn't the head lady, it was some other dude that knew a lot about Morrowind history and I should ask him about the Nazarene prophecy? Man, this place is some bullshit.

He gave me a book and told me to read it. I just took pictures and figured I'd read it later. Now it's later, so I guess I'll read it?

Alright, dark elves versus vikings. I wish the vikings had won but whatever, it's all good I guess. Monolithic theocracy? Sounds like something to avoid if I've ever heard one. Good on them not letting the Empire win, I guess. There's a king of Morrowind? Man, I'd like to fighter's guild that guy...

Vvardenfell is where I am, I think. And Morrowind is like the country proper? That's what I got on the boat, never having been a fan of made-up history in the past. That's cool that this is like a frontier or whatever. It explains why everyone's so gruff and manly. I swear, I saw a woman with a pair of nuts in one of these bars. Maybe it was the Skooma...

Alright, so I'm in Hlaalu territory now. Good to know. That's why those yellow guys answer to "Hlaalu Guard" when you yell it and run away. I wonder why they're sucking the Empire's dick so much?

Telvanni again! Those guys sound like someone should kick their ass, seriously. Isolationist? I mentioned earlier how I don't like unfriendly things and that's as unfriendly as it gets. Tower villages sound pretty sweet, though, so maybe it's more of an infiltrate kind of thing. Redoran sounds irrelevant, even though the pawnbroker mentioned they're unfriendly too. Ashlander nomads sound like they can throw some parties.

... and then they kill foreigners. Damn. Still, I guess they wouldn't be the first to try.
Ash vampires? That just sounds scary. I hope I don't have to fight those guys. This book kind of reads like this has been going on for a long time. What are the chances it'll involve me in anyway?
The longer I stay, the higher those chances get. I'll have to keep an eye out for a way out of this.

This is the cat I'm supposed to run an errand for. He gave me this big long spiel about some kind of Dwarf Fortress over by Molag Mar or something. There's a puzzle box that he wanted me to get, so I have to go get it or Caius Cosades is going to give me a hard time forever. I was worried about the journey, assuming that it would be dangerous since otherwise none of these deadbeats would need me to do it. It was time to look for allies.

Allies I totally failed to find. There was no one in any of the bars I went to. I visited the Council Club and found out that the whole stinking bar was full of people just as unfriendly and mean as the two men on top. Man, this place. This lady was in the basement. I don't know why she was hanging out there, but she sold lockpicks and probes and hey, the more you know!

There's those guys still up there drinking. I wonder if they'll ever come down. Maybe they'll just die up there.

This is the hill going up towards those dwarf ruins I was looking for, or at least where I thought they were. The trees on the side of the hill were really dead. The dirt was ugly and brown. There were cliff racers. My eyes hurt. This place, this fucking place.

I came over the crest of that endless slope and there was a big bridge with a couple wagons on it. A guy down the way was standing there. "Hello," I called out, "Are you going to attack me?" My sword was drawn, you know, just in case. Hell yeah ice damage.
"Yes!" he said, and ran around the wagon. He wasn't holding any weapons so I stood my ground. He stopped fifteen feet in front of me and started waving his hand around like a crazy person. Suddenly, a skeleton popped out of the ground in a shower of sparks! It was a person skeleton, even, without the ear spines you see once you've picked the last meat off of elves.

The skeleton charged at me while the old man cackled giddily and charged up a ball of sparks that played off of my armor in the cool breeze. I got electrocuted and straight up died. This wasn't working out for me. I needed a new strategy.

I put my paralysis sword in a new place on my belt, giving me quick access to it in combat. I also had a scroll that let me summon a skeleton slave of my own which I had looted off of one of the murdered Telvanni agents back in Caldera. I switched out my pimp hat with this gnarly skull helmet from before. I figured I was ready to take this guy.

He got a skeleton off but it was stuck on the other side of him when I stabbed him in the kidneys with my paralysis sword. As if his grimace of pain wasn't hilarious enough, his hands got stuck up in the air like this, haha. The stupid skeleton bumped into his backside repeatedly while I chopped at his ugly mug. The skeleton disappeared when he went down. Bet you wish you had saved, bitch!

Bet you wish you had saved your game, bitch!

A colossal sand storm stirred up. I couldn't see but twenty feet ahead of me.

Through the sand, I saw these strange buildings up the hill from me. I lost the path and headed up to ask for directions. These were the only things I could find.

This looks like some kind of elf to me, but at least he's holding a real weapon and not some kind of dainty sword made out of a unicorn's toothpick or something.

I fought a preposterous number of cliff racers. This one was swooping around this weird ruined tower. He didn't seem to notice me.

These two, on the other hand, did notice me, the cacophony of their shrieks bouncing off of the towers around me and mixing with the more constant shrill of the sand on the wind. This was pretty uncomfortable but they die the same as everything else in Vvardenfell.

Some kind of dwarf death beam? A telescope? Maybe this was the giant breast of some buried dwarf goddess? I took a picture. It'll last longer.

I found the path again and made my way downhill. The redness of the wind-swept peak slowly turned into this somber grey valley. Cliff racers cruised in the air above, and the dead trees in the distance spoke of cruel season after cruel season.

This was an especially lucky fight. That little grub thing attacked me, and his death-rattle called three giant fruitbats to attack me. I had to drink like eight potions while they bit at me, and then when I rested to regain my stamina that nix-hound attacked me in my sleep! They all died and now I have a picture before I tea-bagged their still warm corpses. Victory!

Lava. Great. Nothing good ever happened anywhere that you just find pools of lava lying around in the ground. I was beginning to think I had taken a wrong turn somewhere.

I spotted this strange-looking critter from a long ways away. I tried to skirt around him, but he attacked me anyway.

Here's this ugly beasty's corpse. He went down real easy but he was big so I impressed myself a little bit anyway. I want to make something out of his leathery hide.

These two little devils showed up a few hundred feet from me. I figured I was far enough they weren't likely to attack me, so I took the opportunity to look around at the ruins and buildings that surrounded me.

This was, for obvious reasons, the most interesting of the buildings. It looked like someone had dropped a steamboat down in the middle of these depressing hills.

I had grossly underestimated the sensory abilities of these animals, and they came charging at me with their weird furry little legs and sharp fingernails. They died pretty easy, but whenever they attacked they'd yell a little battle cry, and when they were hurt, they'd call out in pain. Their voices were nearly human but not nearly human enough. Hitting them felt strange, like beating a child, and then it felt good, like beating a child but it's okay because it's a monstrous little hell-thing. Nice.

Here's the thing that caught my interest! At this point I'm pretty sure I'm lost. I saw a lot of sign posts that didn't say anything about this being the right direction, but there's a guy on top of this building and I think I should go ask for direction.


What's Next?
EXPLORING THE DWARF FORTRESS
TREACHERY!
VIOLENCE!
GREED!
BUGS!
SLOW LORIS... IN MORROWIND!

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